Kink 101: What It Is and How to Explore
Some people rebuff, some people give a sly smile, and some people give something in between when the word “kink” comes up. While in some parts of the world this is a taboo topic and in others it’s more open, it’s important to address and celebrate the differences and different experiences in regards to sex. So let’s dive into taking a look at what kink is, some of the different ways people integrate it, and what it might look like for you to explore it.
Being “kinky” or engaging in “kink” activities has such a wide range of definitions - anywhere from light/heavy bondage, to role play/dressing up, to fetishes, to group sex, and everything in-between. Because different things are kinky to different people, it can be a bit relative. To boil it down to simpler terms, many people tend to consider it as anything that falls outside of “vanilla” or traditional sex.
Some people scoff or think there’s something psychologically wrong with people who are into kinky activities. They think people into kink were abused as kids or had something happen to them to make them interested in something outside of vanilla sex. However, people have been having kinky sex for as long as they’ve been having traditional sex. There is no manual or rule book - everyone has been learning as they go, and different people have different preferences. Different cultures define “normal” for sex, so it’s no wonder so many different preferences pop up over time. Just because someone likes to be tied up and spanked, doesn’t mean they have a complex for pain. Endorphins and other feel good hormones are released in our bodies when we experience pain as our body’s means of trying to heal itself, so for some people, that pain feels pleasurable. Some people spend all day making decisions, running the show, and being in charge, so that in the bedroom, they want someone else to take over and tell them what to do, even if it’s humiliating.
While whole books are written on different types of kink (and therefore I will not go into great detail here); how do you know what types of kink you’d like to explore? Scarleteen offers a great list of “Yes, No, Maybe” options for various types of kink that you can decide if you’d be interested in exploring or not. Take some time to do this on your own, and then if you have a partner, discuss it with them and see if you both align on anything that you could try/explore. You can also take to the internet or find a book (Bustle offers a list of various options) to help you explore what options are available to you. Again, because there’s such a wide variety of kinks out there, do your research and explore non-judgmentally. Pay attention to what brings up curiosity for you and what you can feel in your gut is probably not for you. Be aware that someone’s favorite kink is someone else’s least favorite, and that’s okay.
The question I get the most around kink is, am I weird/is there something wrong with me? My answer is always, as long as it’s consensual and it’s not causing you or the other person(s) any unwanted harm, you’re normal! If it’s causing you a lot of distress or getting you into trouble at home, work, or legally, you might want to examine what’s going on and if there are any underlying issues that need to be addressed. As long as you are in the range of consent without undesired harm, you’re exploring and learning about what makes sense for you. And if you find that vanilla is most exciting and interesting for you, that’s okay too! We all have different preferences and there are different norms that exist. We’re all just finding what works best for us.
Be on the lookout for blogs to come that are more specific to different types of kinks out there and for now, happy exploring!
Photo credit: Canva
